Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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