WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
