every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
