I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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