I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
