Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
