Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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