You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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