I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
