Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
