two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
