I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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