then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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