Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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