i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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