I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
