I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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