why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
