sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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