perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
