Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
