Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
