The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
