If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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