he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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