I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
