I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
