When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
