worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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