no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sarcasm needs its own font
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
