Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
