found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
