this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
