i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
