I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
