I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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