While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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