Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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