I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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