My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The feeling are messing with the penis
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
