I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
