You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
