We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
