just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
