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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
