I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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