If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
