The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do herpes really smell.
She bit a glass in half.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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