bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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