my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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