on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
