I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
