Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
