sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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