I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
